A few weeks ago on the blog, Diana discussed Negra having weakness in her legs after a brief conflict. For those who may have missed that blog, there was a brief conflict in Jamie’s group, which is not abnormal, but post-conflict Negra was not using her legs as normal. We isolated her in hopes that she would have some time to rest, recover, and hopefully go back with her group in a few days. However, it has become apparent since that Negra will not be bouncing back. This is why I would like to give you all an update today. I want to speak honestly about Negra and it may be hard to read. Though Negra is here with us now and no concrete decisions have been made, Negra’s mobility is declining sooner and faster than we had hoped. I think it’s only fair to write a blog to mentally prepare everyone for the time when our sweet Neggie may have to leave us. As I write this, I too, am trying to wrap my mind around it.
As caregivers, we learn to compartmentalize. So, while something as huge as Negra’s health scare is going on, we still have 15 other chimps that rely on us. In some ways, it has made it easier for some of us to prolong our denial of the reality of the situation. I think when the initial “injury” happened, we had a bit of hope, but with the underlining gut feeling that we knew Negra may not return to 100% someday.
Over the current weeks that Negra has been recovering in the front rooms, while still getting Greenhouse and Young’s Hill time as well, we have noticed a lot of muscle deterioration making it even harder for Negra to get around. While she hasn’t lost the ability to use her legs fully, she heavily relies on her upper body strength to move her from place to place. Despite that, she has continued to look weaker.
Negra is currently getting the best medical care possible. It’s hard to justify an anesthetic procedure at this point because of how extremely stressful they are for her and her PTSD, as well as the general risk to put a senior chimpanzee under anesthesia. The good news is Negra is still sound of mind, she is her usual Neggie self, not showing too much discomfort, still gets excited to see her friends, spends time soaking up sun in the Greenhouse, and her interest in food has not wavered! However, with her mobility rapidly declining and it being harder to do her daily tasks, we are assessing overall quality of life. We want to give Negra the respect and dignity she deserves and we do not want to watch her suffer. We have been so lucky to have shared many years with Negra! We do not know the time frame for how much longer Negra has with us, but we are providing Negra the things she loves the most and making sure she is as comfortable as possible, and yes, that includes rolls.
This feeling is really hard to put into words because I can’t imagine a world without Negra. I simply can’t imagine showing up every day and her not being here. Negra is what sanctuaries are built for. To give chimps like Neggie a place to decompress, a place to feel safe, a place to call home. Chimps making it to sanctuary feels like a win, but for a chimp like Negra to live in sanctuary and get to experience all it offers, now that is a success.
Negra is an integral part of her group. Negra shows up for her loved ones. She, like Jody, is the glue of her group. Negra consoles her friends during times of need. Negra helped every person in her group through their grief after losing Jody. Negra was the person to lift everyone’s spirits. She added levity and tried to get her friends back into a routine. But she didn’t just console individuals in her group, Negra helped her caregivers move through grief too. I wrote about this in a blog called Grief, where I mention that I had been away when Jody passed. Negra took care of me when I returned. She invited me to sit with her while we played, groomed, and spent time together; I would like to believe we distracted each other from our grief. It’s funny when I think about it, because it is my job to take care of her and Negra knew exactly what I might need, or rather we might have needed. That is a human sentiment. I can never really know; it could all be a coincidence. However, whenever it is Negra’s time, it is hard to think about what her group will be like without the person who takes care of them.
Something that I have been trying to focus on is that Negra built a beautiful life here. Even if Negra had made it only 1 year in sanctuary, I think we would have felt successful. To see Negra live here for the last 18 years is unbelievable. Negra had so many hardships in her life and people have selfishly taken so much from her. However, CSNW has been able to give something back to Negra. The special thing about sanctuary is that every chimps’ needs are different and for Negra we met her where she was. Her sanctuary looks different than how Jamie navigates her life in sanctuary. Negra needed a place that understood her. She may not take advantage of Young’s Hill everyday and choose to spend time of the nest instead. I’m so thankful for all that we could provide for her.
It will never feel like enough time with Negra. I am proud of Negra for her resilience, being unapologetically herself, creating a family within her group, and choosing to live this sanctuary life the way Negra wanted to live it. I am proud that we as sanctuary did our job for Negra. And I hope that this helps as we process the idea of Negra not being here forever physically, but always with us in spirit.
