A few weeks ago on the blog, Diana discussed Negra having weakness in her legs after a brief conflict. For those who may have missed that blog, there was a brief conflict in Jamie’s group, which is not abnormal, but post-conflict Negra was not using her legs as normal. We isolated her in hopes that she would have some time to rest, recover, and hopefully go back with her group in a few days. However, it has become apparent since that Negra will not be bouncing back. This is why I would like to give you all an update today. I want to speak honestly about Negra and it may be hard to read. Though Negra is here with us now and no concrete decisions have been made, Negra’s mobility is declining sooner and faster than we had hoped. I think it’s only fair to write a blog to mentally prepare everyone for the time when our sweet Neggie may have to leave us. As I write this, I too, am trying to wrap my mind around it.
As caregivers, we learn to compartmentalize. So, while something as huge as Negra’s health scare is going on, we still have 15 other chimps that rely on us. In some ways, it has made it easier for some of us to prolong our denial of the reality of the situation. I think when the initial “injury” happened, we had a bit of hope, but with the underlining gut feeling that we knew Negra may not return to 100% someday.
Over the current weeks that Negra has been recovering in the front rooms, while still getting Greenhouse and Young’s Hill time as well, we have noticed a lot of muscle deterioration making it even harder for Negra to get around. While she hasn’t lost the ability to use her legs fully, she heavily relies on her upper body strength to move her from place to place. Despite that, she has continued to look weaker.
Negra is currently getting the best medical care possible. It’s hard to justify an anesthetic procedure at this point because of how extremely stressful they are for her and her PTSD, as well as the general risk to put a senior chimpanzee under anesthesia. The good news is Negra is still sound of mind, she is her usual Neggie self, not showing too much discomfort, still gets excited to see her friends, spends time soaking up sun in the Greenhouse, and her interest in food has not wavered! However, with her mobility rapidly declining and it being harder to do her daily tasks, we are assessing overall quality of life. We want to give Negra the respect and dignity she deserves and we do not want to watch her suffer. We have been so lucky to have shared many years with Negra! We do not know the time frame for how much longer Negra has with us, but we are providing Negra the things she loves the most and making sure she is as comfortable as possible, and yes, that includes rolls.
This feeling is really hard to put into words because I can’t imagine a world without Negra. I simply can’t imagine showing up every day and her not being here. Negra is what sanctuaries are built for. To give chimps like Neggie a place to decompress, a place to feel safe, a place to call home. Chimps making it to sanctuary feels like a win, but for a chimp like Negra to live in sanctuary and get to experience all it offers, now that is a success.
Negra is an integral part of her group. Negra shows up for her loved ones. She, like Jody, is the glue of her group. Negra consoles her friends during times of need. Negra helped every person in her group through their grief after losing Jody. Negra was the person to lift everyone’s spirits. She added levity and tried to get her friends back into a routine. But she didn’t just console individuals in her group, Negra helped her caregivers move through grief too. I wrote about this in a blog called Grief, where I mention that I had been away when Jody passed. Negra took care of me when I returned. She invited me to sit with her while we played, groomed, and spent time together; I would like to believe we distracted each other from our grief. It’s funny when I think about it, because it is my job to take care of her and Negra knew exactly what I might need, or rather we might have needed. That is a human sentiment. I can never really know; it could all be a coincidence. However, whenever it is Negra’s time, it is hard to think about what her group will be like without the person who takes care of them.
Something that I have been trying to focus on is that Negra built a beautiful life here. Even if Negra had made it only 1 year in sanctuary, I think we would have felt successful. To see Negra live here for the last 18 years is unbelievable. Negra had so many hardships in her life and people have selfishly taken so much from her. However, CSNW has been able to give something back to Negra. The special thing about sanctuary is that every chimps’ needs are different and for Negra we met her where she was. Her sanctuary looks different than how Jamie navigates her life in sanctuary. Negra needed a place that understood her. She may not take advantage of Young’s Hill everyday and choose to spend time of the nest instead. I’m so thankful for all that we could provide for her.
It will never feel like enough time with Negra. I am proud of Negra for her resilience, being unapologetically herself, creating a family within her group, and choosing to live this sanctuary life the way Negra wanted to live it. I am proud that we as sanctuary did our job for Negra. And I hope that this helps as we process the idea of Negra not being here forever physically, but always with us in spirit.
Thank you for this update. Too many tears to write more than to say Negra is a strong lady and always the Queen and much loved. Prayers for all!
You all will make the right decision at the appropriate time, and it will be guided by what you all know is best for Negra.
Thank you, Kelsi.
I’ve already been preparing, but dared to hope. I had missed the fact that this happened after a fight/scuffle.
It’s a hard decision, when you wonder if maybe an exam/procedure could help, but we all know the you guys always do what’s best for them.
Thank you for sharing. Am sharing the Biggest hug possible.
It’s hard to believe Negra may be leaving us. I am so thankful for the sanctuary and friendship you have provided for her, and so thankful I was able to visit the sanctuary a few years ago and see her in person. She truely is a majestic person ?. Long live Queen Negra! Sending healing thoughts to you all :pray:
It’s hard to believe Negra may be leaving us. I am so thankful for the sanctuary and friendship you have provided for her, and so thankful I was able to visit the sanctuary a few years ago and see her in person. She truely is a majestic person ?. Long live Queen Negra! Sending healing thoughts to you all :pray:
Just not ready for another goodbye. Stay with us, Queen Negra. You are so very loved. :broken_heart:
Oh, Neggie… I remember the first time she offered me a kiss during my data collection, and I almost melted onto the floor. Sending my love and all the reassurance gestures! <3
Thank you, Kelsi. I often hold my breath now when I open the daily blog, especially concerning sweet, old, Negra. I, too, know you’ll all care for her in the best way and make the decisions that are in her best interest, despite how hard that final one will be. She has, indeed, flourished here, and I think she’s been happy and made life pleasant for all around her. Thank you all for giving these beloved chimpanzee people their best lives.
Oh man, this is just heartbreaking news. I appreciate the update but I cant help having tears streaming down my face. Hang in their Negra, we will always love you no matter what.
My heart hurts as I write this. Negra is so dear to me, to all of us. I hold her in my prayers, Thank you for all that you do for her and the other chimps – bless you.
Difficult time but yes keeping her comfortable and pain free is best for Negra. Thanks for preparing us.
Negra will ALWAYS be the Queen. She is blessed to have the greatest team to take her on her journey. I love her and all of you.
The world is better with Neggie in it, but it will always be better because she was in it.
So sorry to hear of her serious mobility and strength decline. Your deep love and respect for her will protect her from unnecessary suffering, even if it breaks your heart. Of course it will break your heart.
Thank you for letting us know how this is unfolding.
When I initially read the blog about Neggie losing strength in her legs, I refused to even let the tiniest inkling of a thought enter my mind that her situation could become worse. Not Negra. Never. My mind immediately went to Sue Ellen at Fauna and her long recovery and I hoped Negra would improve too. So, I will continue to keep the faith that Neggie, our beloved queen, will continue to surprise us. Maybe her days of aging in reverse are over but I need to hope she will hold her own, comfortably and with grace. I’ll be holding Negra, tucked away tightly in a velvet pocket in my heart as always. And I can do this because I know that she is living her very best life in your care. So until the day comes, I have to hope Negra will be well….
I appreciate your honesty. I will keep all of you in my heart as well. Savor every single moment.
While I had much hope for Neggie to bounce back, I also realised that she may not. I sot here in Perth, Western Australia with tears in my eyes.
The biggest impression for me was dear Neggie consoling her human family as much as her chimp family, her sweet kisses at Jody’s wake. It speaks to a forgiveness and an understanding of others, inspite the horrors she had faced at the hands of humans. It speak to making choices of trust and of hope.
We often think of ourselves (humans/pan technologicus) as so far above and beyond nature. That terms like altruism, forgiveness and love are only the domain of a human mind. Yet here, through Negra and her family, we see clearly just how wrong that is, they are a part of nature itself.
While my heart aches that we may be saying goodbye to her, it is also filled with gratitude that I got to bare witness to the wonderful years she has had living in sanctuary.
Thankyou, for sharing her and her family with us. Thankyou for your love and fortitude and persistence in giving her and all the beings at CSNW a safe and healthy place to call home.
When the time comes for Negra to be at rest, please know, that we know, what you are doing is giving her the dignified passing she deserves.
Holding everyone in my heart.
Beautifully spoken Cymonn; I say Amen!
I remember that from Jojo’s passing, as well
Many hearts are breaking for Negra, for you Caregivers, and for Negra’s family. I mostly don’t realize it’s been 18 years since we followed The Royal Carriage on its trip from PA to Cle Elum. Thank you for warning us. She will tell you. You will know. Sending so much love. All Hail The Queen. xo
Nefgie ans her caregivers are in my prayers. I know Sue Ellen at Fauna lost mobility in her lega completely and was able to bounce back. I pray Neggie can do the same!
Thankyou for the update on Negra and I can only imagine how stressful and difficult a time it is for everyone at the sanctuary; watching, hoping and praying.Negra has been such an integral part of your sanctuary life and her time with you now is so precious. I send you love and I still hold the hope that our darling Neggie hasn’t finished her time on Earth just yet. :sparkling_heart:? An amazing lady with a fighting spirit.
Love you Negra! <3
cant believe it! i was just describing the beautiful goodbye her fellow chimps gave to jody. even though i was new to subscribing to your blog, i was in tears that day as they came to say goodbye to their friend. but a BIG THANK YOU for sending us this news ahead of time so we can prepare ourselves.
Although I am devastated by this news, I am grateful for any time this world has shared with Neggie. She is an example of forgiveness and choices each of us possess. As a hospice nurse, I have seen her strength decline and her body start to change since Christmas. It is not our time left, it is what we do with it. CSNW is Neggie’s family and I have no doubt that only her best interests and quality over quantity are first and foremost on their team’s hearts and minds. Jody may be needing a little Hiberatus in heaven and is calling Neggie home. Truly thankful for the updates and will continue to check in daily on our Queen! Love and support to the CSNW family ? :blue_heart: :purple_heart:
Thank you for sharing with us, even though I wish you didn’t need to.
Negra really won the Chimp lottery when she got to come with her family to CSNW. And she deserved it. Thank you for taking such wonderful care of her all these years, and thank you Negra for having such a strong will to live and be happy after all you’ve been through.
I know you will know what is best to do for her, Negra trusts you to know what to do.
There never seems to be enough time, so I’ll say it now,
I love you Queen Negra, now and forever.:revolving_hearts:
Kelsie, Thank you for being so kind and sensitive in boaching such a heartbreaking topic about Negra. We have been a part of the sanctusry from the arrival of the Cle Elum 7 and have watched the staff in action and how they built a family for the chimps with love, care and respect and through the blogs have been able to expand this family to include people from around the world.When a family member is in trouble, we all rally around with love and support. We know that nothing will happen to Negra unless all options have been tried and
failed. We all have a dash of life between birth and death. Negra’s dash at CSNW has been filled with so much kindness. That is the blessing we need to remember. A little note to you Negra, rest and recover as you did on your arrival 18 years ago. This time you have the whole world begind you! We all love you!
I am reading this blog, like others, with tears in my eyes.
Thank you Kelsi for keeping us in the loop, so we can prepare for when the time is there.
I know how hard it is to make that final decision but you all will know when it is time, and that it is the right decision for Negra.
Jody will be waiting for her.
Lots of love to all of you at the sanctuary and also to all blog readers and supporters of this wonderfull loving place.
Kelsie, thank you for your beautiful post. I know we hoped Negra would recover … heartbreaking….but if there is any comfort, please take it knowing what a BEAUTIFUL time she had for so very long at the Sanctuary. She was an individual, a being who was there for others. Now you are there for her. When she begins her transition, she will have compassion and love, as she has since she has been at CSNW. Thank you for the beautiful photos. I know you guys will take care of this beautiful girl, from this life to the next. Don
Thank you for being straightforward and for keeping us up to date. How strange and wonderful that these sanctuary residents on the other side of the world feel like beloved friends.
Oh! Do you have bright green spring grass yet?? Negra loves that so much. And her beautiful black hair in the sunshine in that bright green grass are such beautiful and moving photos. To me. I pray she gets as much as possible of spring green grass. Wouldn’t it be fabulous if she could just nest out there? Pass out there?
I love you for thinking of us out here in blog land. I know you know we love her. We love all of them. We all know that none of us are here forever. Thank you for preparing us.
And dandelions! and prickly weed!
Any yet??
I understand, difficult as it is to countenance.
I have occasionally seen large dogs — invariably German Shepherds and similar breeds — who wear wheeled leg braces due to their hip dysplasia. I don’t know if that is an option for Negra, but I offer that for consideration.
I don’t know how to quite write this without giving offense; the Pacific Northwest has a different aethos than my (quite flawed) native land. In the end, those whom we love in our lives do not belong to us but, rather, to the very source of their life, and of ours.
In the meantime, as Hippocrates proscribed, “First, Do No Harm.”
Friends, this work is hard and I commend you for your strength. I have always delighted in seeing Negra in action, whatever that may have looked like, and in knowing that she is a beloved member of your family at CSN. And, I’ve wondered how many years we might have her here. So, this news is not a shock, but it is most certainly sad.
As someone in her late 50’s I know what it means to be in an aging body; I am thankful Neggie gets the very best care at CSN and that she will not be allowed to suffer just because humans can’t bear to do the right thing. Knowing that you have such a solid team behind every decision you make allows me to relax a bit, and find comfort in knowing that Neggie is exactly where she should be, surrounded by people who love her and want what is best for her.
I wish everyone at CSN peace at this difficult time. You are all heroes in my eyes.
So sorry to hear this news. Negra is a force of nature, and it is hard to imagine her group without her. Sending all of the caregivers lots of love and support, and I know that Negra is getting the best of care in your loving hands.
I hope for a miracle but I understand reality is reality. This dose break my heart hearing this. This makes me want make it more to the sanctuary. She will always be loved no matter what.
Negra’s story is one of the reasons I connected with CSNW. I have always loved her because of it. It is terrible to watch people and animals suffer, and it is completely understandable if she will have to be euthanized however while she is happy let her live!. I wish she could do under water rehab! My dog did that for muscle wasting post surgery and it really works! Physical therapy for chimps? Why not?
What a sad crossroad of life for Negra and all of you to navigate. No matter the end of that road Negra travelled down it with love because of CSNW. Thank you, Kelsi, for your words of honesty and compassion. Hearts always break with anticipated
goodbyes, dont they.
Oh Negra, you beaufiful soul! I have only found this sactuary recently since George came to live there and all I can say is that I know you have had the very best life possible since living there. I only wish I had found you sooner so I could have followed along on your journey for longer. May God lift you in the palm of his hand when it is your time. My heart goes out to the SCNW staff in such a difficult time.
Kelsi – thank you. I know how hard that must have been to even write. I’m not comparing Negra to our rescue pups – yet, when we lose a loved one that is family… my god… it is truly beyond difficult. The grief is so intense. Reading this with tears running down my face – I feel for Negra, of course, and for all the sweet chimps who will miss her, for you, and for the entire staff. As I read this, the one thing that made my heart full is that I KNOW she has been in the right place with the right people – and she has lived the past 18 years surrounded by love. Until that time – we will love her, we will be thinking of her, we will love all of you who care for her and the rest of the chimps. THANK YOU for all you do… and much love and comfort to our Neggie. ?
Can she keep going if shes still happy? but in her own space, with visits from the more gentle ones. Summer is coming and it may be healing for her.
I hope she keeps going.
Same hope here, especially as another mentioned a chimp in similar circumstances rebounding. :pray:
But if she’s reaching the point where she can’t keep herself clean, that may be the matter of “dignity” that they mentioned. Remember, chimps often “go” by hanging it over the edge of the platform or stairs, and if she’s unable to climb…. (hope this isn’t a TMI; I’m inferring this from what they posted and could be totally wrong).
So many have expressed their sadness regarding Neggie’s health but i would also send my love, support and prayers for strength during this difficult time.
All of you have given Neggie freedom of choice. Doing things at her own pace allowing her to have a family free from the horrible things she must have endured. Thank you for loving her and saving her from her sad past.
i too have tearsrunnimg down my face but like others have said you all will know when it’s time to allow jer to rest in peace. Hugs all around!!
Im so sorry and sad to hear about Negras poor legs! somehow I missed that original post about the conflict and Ive gone back to try to find it but cant. Can you please let me know what day it was so I can read it?
thank you! :pray_tone2: