Earlier, Diana and I were discussing how serving meals to the Seven has changed over the years. It used to be that you would grab the first course – tomatoes, for example – and serve each chimp his or her portion until that course was done. Then you’d move on to the next course. It’s not that they never became impatient but there was at least a logical and orderly process. But the chimps have turned everything upside down. Missy now has to eat her tomatoes first. Negra, on the other hand, has to have her chow first. Meanwhile, Jamie is going to have her leeks first and that’s not a request that’s an order. It’s not just a simple matter of preference – if they don’t get their desired food first, it’s a full-on hunger strike. So now we’re just grabbing food from this bowl and that bowl amidst a frenzy of Bronx cheers and spit. Sometimes I feel like it’s my first day as a waiter in a busy restaurant. OK, Table 2 wants water with no ice, Table 6 wants a large salad but in two small bowls, Table 9 is still waiting for their entree, and wait…was it no ice or extra ice for Table 2??
I used to be able to write down exactly who ate what and how much, but now it’s all a blur. Today’s log:
Chimps ate food.
Perhaps it has less to do with the chimps and more to do with the natural affects of aging on the brain. But I swear, somehow the Californians are even pickier! The problem over there is that Willy B can be a bully at mealtimes and Honey B is the Slowest Eater On The Planet. The number one rule for lower-ranking chimps is to consume your food as fast as possible. But Honey B doesn’t play by anyone’s rules. And who are you calling low-ranking, anyway? By the time Willy B is done and starting to get antsy, she’s still sitting on a pile of food just licking a piece of fruit and staring into your eyes.
Of course, these fall into the category known by the chimps as “Human Problems”, which as you might guess, are of no concern to them. As it should be.