Today has been one of those days where, while prepping lunch for Jamie’s group, I accidentally counted seven portions instead of six. And, earlier this week, I counted out chow bags for seven before I caught myself and had to remove the portion I had accidentally made for Jody. Little things like this happen almost every week since last May, but sometimes they’re more frequent.
When I sat down a little bit ago to start writing my blog, I didn’t expect to start writing about this. Even though it’s mid-February and still winter here in Cle Elum, WA, the sun has been out all day and the temperature currently sits at 43 degrees. There is a bit of wind to remind us that it is still winter, but the chimps have been taking full advantage of the sunshine. We were able to do a lunch forage for Cy’s group today on the Bray and Terry, Rayne, and Gordo went right out to enjoy it. Honey B is still healing from her recent procedure and is recovering well. Jamie’s group has been mostly lounging in the warm greenhouse, where they can be in the sun and out of the wind. All that to say, it’s been a really lovely day.
I’m no expert on grief- I don’t know how best to work through it or why it commands our attention on certain days over others. Maybe she’s been more on my mind lately because we’re creeping up on the one year anniversary of her passing, or perhaps it’s the stress from worrying about Honey B during her recovery. All I know is that, sometimes, grief isn’t content to stay hidden in our subconscious.
On April 27th, I wrote a blog about the quintessential spring day- foraging, perfect weather, Negra yelling at crows to get away from her forage, etc. I didn’t know that it would be my last blog featuring Jody, without also featuring the deep grief of missing her. She was a dear friend and we miss her every day.
The loss of a friend like Jody runs deep. I wonder if the fact that today feels like an early spring gift after the dark of winter is what brings up the absence of her presence. My mind says that she should be grooming in the greenhouse, walking on the hill, and enjoying the warm sunshine with her family.
At first I thought I would delete all that, because it feels quite somber. But, grief thrives in isolation- does it not?
Plus, I think it would be a disservice to Jody to not write of her, despite the vulnerable nature of grieving, both when we are sad from missing her or when we are happy and reliving the 15 years that she had with us here in sanctuary.
I’m a firm believer that it’s our responsibility to not only care for the individuals that call CSNW home, but to advocate for them and share their stories as far as we can. Jody was a remarkable person and the world is better off for knowing her and her story.
So, maybe, as we approach the first anniversary of her passing, it would be nice to share in some comfort & community. Share your favorite Jody stories in the comments below and let’s remember her, together.
Photos from today’s February-Spring-Day:
Annie, Missy, & Jamie looking out to Young’s Hill this morning after I gave them access:
Negra and Burrito, sharing a barrel during breakfast:
Gordo, enjoying the sunshine in the greenhouse:
Rayne, being absolutely perfect:
Terry during today’s lunch forage, running back with a mouth full of grapefruit:
Edie Bruce says
Jody’s pumpkin snatching antics during Jamieween! She will always be the pumpkin queen to me and also the most adorable lilac eater. All of these special creatures are amazing in their own ways, but Jody had such a wonderful expression on her face at times, of surprise and delight. I have a picture of her on my office wall. She will always be in my heart.
Marya says
I agree with Edie’s comments about Jody and her lovely licacs. It’s hard to know that day I spent so much time crying last year is here upon us. My heart ached that day and for days afterwards for all of our community who felt the tremendous loss of her presence. I’ve been thinking of her recently and feeling less the intensity of the loss as the incredible gratitude for her presence. She remains a gift in my life, along with all the other 4-leggeds at the sanctuary (and the 2-leggeds, too)!
Susan Kathleen Feeley says
Hi, Grace and the team,
thankyou for sharing your thoughtful and bitter sweet blog with us today. When I think of sweet Jody I always think of that beautiful song “unforgettable” especially thr opening line. Jody the pumpkin queen of Halloween night and her playful sometimes mischievous nature. Beautiful eyes , graceful and simply unforgettable. It’s been nearly a year since Jody passed but we hold her in our hearts and her gentle spirit will never leave the sanctuary that she called home for those glorious 15 years. Life goes on and it is heart warming to see Annie, Missy, Jamie and the gang ready to enjoy the outdoor sunshine. Somehow I don’t think Jody is too far away.
CarolR says
Not a day goes by without thoughts of our dear Jody. Farmer, nurse, pumpkin thief and a good friend to all. I have many photos which I use as wallpaper on my iPad…..the one where both hands and mouth are stuffed with forage as she runs back in, the pumpkin one and my favourite….her lovely smiling face because she has handfuls of lilacs. She’s still loved and missed so much. Thank you for always including her…..her spirit lives on.
Linda C says
Thank you, Grace. Often, when I comment on the blog, I find myself on the verge of saying, “the 7”, so I can’t imagine how much it must happen to you guys.
When I first started following the blog, I would see Jody lounging in her turtle pool nest, or “talking” with you and the others over something exciting, and think “she’s kind of derpy looking”. But as I came to know her as well as one can through blogs and video, I came to appreciate how photogenic she was, because of her expressive face: as someone mentioned above, smiling with joy over her lilacs or pumpkin, sitting in front of the Christmas tree (2015?), or returning from a forage with arms full of her loot and a face that said, “Cool! Look what all I got!”
And then I saw the friend that the 6 knew: the one who encouraged others, who waited for the others to come off the hill at the end of the day, who took a doll to bed with her, who kept a little “pet” mouse for as long as she could (thank you for that story, Katelyn!), and who helped you clear the door tracks of blankets and other objects when shifting. I know that they’ll all go at some point, and I wouldn’t have another trade places with her, but I do so miss the dinosaur growls and the derpy smile coming at me from between two goblin ears and the most beautiful warm brown eyes….
Tobin says
Today I feel so sad, and I am missing our dear Jody terribly. As I cry while reading today’s blog, I am also reminded by these photographs at how beautiful and spirited Jody was, and always will be to those of us who love her. I have dealt with nearly a year of grief by remembering how maternally-caring she was with her friends, and her beautiful smile, and her endearing personality. After watching Jody on the Sanctuary’s website, no one can convince me that there is no such entity as a soul, or that a non-human animal is utterly bereft of such an essence. As I grieve, as long I treasure my memory of Jody, she is not forever lost to me.
Tobin says
And a favorite memory of Jody? Oh, where to begin…I love the still photographs from 11.5.2018 when Jody had to wait (and wait, and wait) while Foxie helped herself to her pumpkin. Then there’s the video from 9.18.2020 with Nurse Jody paying a visit to a convalescing Burrito, and a video from 2.6.2018 where Jody, applying her maternal intuition, played chimpherd and corralled Neggie from a stroll on a snow-covered Young’s Hill, lest the Queen become spooked in the cold.
And, finally, a brief notice from 11.23.2017, in which Diana suggested that Jody was in need of a sponsor. I was immediately persuaded, and, as my friend wrote, grief is the price we pay for love. Jody was/is more than the cost.
Barb says
Pictures of Jody is (and always will be) on my fridge and in my studio. When I first started being a Chimpanzee “Pal”, I chose Jody because, “Everybody needs someone who loves them best.” She wasn’t in pictures as often as Jamie and some others, but she was the one who made sure that everybody got back in safely. She was loyal. And, dear to my heart, is the picture of her carrying as much food as she could from a forage. Vegetables in her toes, even. That’s my kind of lady. Who she really was, all the way through.
Ellen Greene says
Grace, your blog today is so beautiful. You write about grief so poignantly. Thank you for evoking such wonderful memories of beautiful Jody. She is always in our thoughts. It’s hard to believe it’s almost been a year.
elaine says
Grace, your words really hit home. I’ve had my adopted rescue dog 9 months and am still calling HER “Ricky” and telling HER she’s a good BOY.
marianne says
Beautiful blog Grace, I am writing this with tears in my eyes and I would sugest you FEEL grief whenever it pops up.
My dearest memories of Jody are when one day everyone of the 7 got their favorite thing that day…..boots for Jamie, tomatoes for Missy, and so on…and hay for nesting for Jody.
She happely made a nest, fussing to get it just right. She was laying down in her nest, but it was not perfect yet.
She turned on one side to add just 2 sprigs of hay under her bum and then….That Was It…..PERFECT.
And the time that J.B. was filming her making a huge blanket nest for the night on a shelf in one of the rooms….it went on and on and finally it when she layed down for the night, J.B. said: “good night Jo” and Jody grauweled her dinosorgrauwl : GRGRGR ( good night J.B.).
Endearing.
Kathleen says
Oh Grace, thank you for this post remembering Jody and the ache that remains now that she is gone. No matter how hard I try, I can’t imagine what it must feel like for all of you who knew her so well and cared for her every day. Please feel free to always write about or share an old video of your dear friend with us.
From afar, I will always see and say “The Cle Elum Seven”. That’s who they are. Period. That who they will forever be.
My favorite recollections of Jody…. that’s easy! Without even thinking about it, boom!, this is what instantly comes to mind :
• Jody’s beautiful facial features. Her strong brow line, twinkling closely placed together eyes, her oftentimes droopy bottom lip, and her smile.
• I think of the time, long ago, in a post by J.B. where he politely asked Jody to come back towards a hydraulic door he needed to close. Blankets were blocking the base of the door and J.B. asked Jody to remove the blankets. Jody turned right back, collected the blankets and carried them off. What touched me the most about this interchange was the fact that before sanctuary, Jody wasn’t ever asked to do something by a human. Things were just done to her. And what was done to her was cruel and painful. Yet, here she was in sanctuary, safe, loved, respected for her who she is as an individual. When her friend J.B. asked for her assistance, Jody was more than happy to help. I will always remember that moment, it speaks volumes.
• I see Jody lying on her back, pink belly up and legs/knees splayed outward, content beyond words, in her green frog and/or turtle sand box nest. Sigh. I l-o-v-e this thought.
• In my minds eye I also see Jody foraging. Mouth full and arms full of something in nature plucked from Young’s Hill, bringing it inside to quietly savor all by herself.
• And yes, you bet, I will ALWAYS think of Jody as the greatest Jamieween Pumpkin Thief! The image of Jody absconding with that one giant pumpkin (easily half her size, or so it seemed), sneakity-sneaking and dragging it inside before the Fun Police or something else caught her, geez……it’s the best memory of all. How could you not cheer her on?!
Memories never die. They live on in all of us no matter how we came to know Jody. Memories will always keep Jody “alive” in each us. That’s a comfort. Lilacs, pumpkins, droopy bottom lips, bellies up, helpful acts, sweet memories will always be triggers pushing sweet thoughts of Jody to the forefront of our minds. And that’s where Jody shall stay. Forever safe. Forever respected. Forever loved.
Kathleen says
I just read all the comments. Wow. Linda, Tobin…. your words were so moving. Thank you everyone for sharing your memories! You brought up some moments I’d almost forgotten. Thanks again, Grace. Your post and asking us to share our thoughts was significantly appreciated.
Sandie Allaway says
This blog, Grace, fills my heart with joy and sadness. Tears. Grief knows no boundary so it grabs us and holds tight and reminds us of the love we feel as well as the sadness. May you be feeling more love and less sadness.:speak_no_evil: